If you know me well enough, you know that I’m a “people pleaser,” a trait that annoys me at times and prevents me from telling people no. I am who I am because I truly do want to help those, but many times I don’t take care of myself first. I definitely have not been taking care of myself because I focus all of my energy on the kids. So many of us are like that. I need to find a balance but it’s easier said than done.
What I’m about to tell you will shock you and make me lose a long list of friends, but I understand and I don’t blame you. I have to tell you because I feel it’s the only way to really help those that need help the most. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I was 18 years old. I foolishly got pregnant and it ended with an abortion. It was the darkest time of my life and one I wish I could erase, but you have to live from your mistakes, no matter how horrific they may be. Everyone always tells me how I’m this incredible mother and how they can’t believe I have the patience that I do and put me on this incredibly high pedestal…..and now you know why I am the mom I am. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the life I extinguished.
We all make mistakes, some worse than others. No one is perfect. Do I think I was given Bri, not as punishment, but as a reminder of what I did. Yes! Many people, if you’re even still reading this, will be mad that I just said that. No, I don’t think people are given special needs children as punishment for something they’ve done in their lifetime. Please read that sentence again. Then read it again. And again.
I am telling you my own personal thoughts about my own life. In my case, I feel like I was given Bri as a second chance. I’ll never right my wrong no matter how hard I try, but I can give Bri and Molly the best lives possible and hopefully help others that have experienced what I have in my lifetime.
Mistakes are made. Lessons are learned. The pain and memories will last a lifetime.
Only a few family members know, and even fewer friends. It’s exhausting trying to live this “perfect mom” life when it’s the farthest thing from the truth. I’m sorry to the closest people in my life that I’ve never told, but I didn’t want to lose you. I now have to take that chance so that I may be able to help others that are struggling. I love you all dearly!